It is not difficult to understand how we become discouraged or frustrated in our spiritual journey for we have an unrealistic expectation. We think that we can bring all the qualities of the ego with us to our meeting with God. We think we can bring judgment, good and bad, right and wrong. We think we can bring our belief in the world and sickness and health, rich and poor. Those very things are the source of our disappointment and frustration. In this moment, are you completely accepting ‘what is’ as it is, as it comes right now? Be relentless in your questioning of what you are bringing to this moment – what judgment, what expectation, what rules? In what way are you saying to yourself right now that things should be different?
We may have the idea that if we work hard enough, are good enough and diligent enough, that we will meet God and our problems will all be solved. But that is the ego’s approach to problem solving; that is how the ego gets things done. We are not going to be made different by our meeting with God – we have to be different to meet God. This sounds as if we are being blamed, but in reality we are exposing our choice. There is no blame and nothing wrong. That’s the key to the truth of the matter: in this moment, if we claim there is something wrong, we are choosing to separate ourselves from the truth. The truth is there is nothing wrong. The insistence or proclamation that there is something wrong is an alignment with the ego, but it feels like something is wrong. We are suffering, we are experiencing pain, symptoms or emotional turbulence – that must be wrong! We are supposed to be free, joyous, and happy!
What we don’t see is that we are making it that way and we cannot judge or find fault with that. We cannot align ourselves with the thinking processes of the ego – the beliefs in the worldly effects. We cannot judge ourselves for believing them because that which believes in the ego is the ego. We are being deceived by ourselves. We are being told there is something wrong and we are believing it. We are being told that we are not good enough and we are going along with it. We are told there is something wrong and we go along with it.
In this moment we can stop all that noise and say, No, there is nothing wrong. No matter what appears to be true, only truth can be true. No matter what this noise in my head is telling me, it is not true. It can’t be because we know the qualities of truth, we know what is real. There cannot be something wrong. We cannot be bad. We cannot be unworthy.
Those are not qualities of truth but why are we choosing to believe them? The fact that we must face is that we want them to be true. Some part within us believes that we should suffer, that suffering is a way to live. There is something within us that chooses to proclaim suffering and struggle as reality, not truth.
We must be very diligent for this is not a matter of blame or finding fault – all judgment must be suspended. We have suffered pain and loss. We are afraid to suffer pain and loss again and we have been convinced that by living and proclaiming the truth we will suffer great pain and loss. That is what we believe. We must find that within us which believes in that pain and loss, for that is the source of our choice. Something inside us is hurt so badly that it cannot bear to be exposed to that which it was separated from.
When somebody hurts us deeply, often our choice is to never see them again. And that is why we avoid the truth. For meeting the truth means looking squarely in the face of being hurt so deeply. We cannot blame ourselves. We cannot judge ourselves. We can only be compassionate and accepting. It is frightening. It feels terrible, but if we do not make it conscious we are controlled by it.
We can see that when we find ourselves in the depths of resistance we can ask ourselves, What is it I don’t want to see right now? What is it I don’t want to know, for I am choosing to suffer rather than know and see what is real? That is my choice right now in this moment.
We must be cognizant of the fact that the ego is extremely intelligent and clever in the ways that will distract us from remembering the source of our difficulty. It learns as we learn because it is our own invention. We endow it. We give it power and life so that we do not have to face that which we do not want to. In the depths of our resistance, misery and despair, we feel alone and unable to shift.
This is when we must pray – pray for help. For prayer is opening ourselves again to the idea that there is something other than suffering and struggle – reminding ourselves that God is real, turning away from what appears to be real towards reality. We are not asking for an outside source to help us, we are asking ourselves to reconnect to what is real. It takes great presence of mind to remember what is real in the depths of resistance, but it can be done. For no matter how real it seems, that which is not God cannot last and is not real. It has no reality – only the reality we give it as we accept and believe in it. It is only when we give it life and power that it seems to be real. As soon as we withdraw that life and power and turn to face the truth, then it is no longer real.
In this moment, we can pray, we can seek to align ourselves with truth, peace and acceptance. We can say, I know that despite all that appears to be real in this moment, there is something else that is really true. I know I seem to want to believe in suffering and struggle, I seem to think I deserve it and am not worthy of anything else. I have many thoughts in this moment that don’t reflect the truth. I know it seems that I am powerless to change this and I know that this mind cannot solve this problem. It is the mind of God that I seek – the mind of truth, the universal and absolute, not the temporary. These thoughts of unworthiness, aloneness and separation are a fantasy created to protect me from the truth. But I do not need protection from the truth. There is nothing to fear in truth. There is nothing to be lost. So I seek the truth – the mind of God, the mind that is my mind, the universal mind. It is not the fantasy that I have created, but the eternal and permanent truth of God. I know it is real and is here in this moment. It is the source of my being right now. It is the only thing there is right now. Everything else is just a crazy activity of my imagination. I seek the sacred and holy within me, which is beyond doubt the only thing within me. Let there be no mistake, I cannot replace God with my mind. It is only a trick of the ego. Let me proclaim only that which is true and deny that which is not and cannot be real. Let me rest and abide in truth, for that is reality. That is ‘what is’. I do not need protection. I am protection. That is the truth.